cancer be gone...now what

Day 162

2009-05-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

Don't Cry For Me Argentina.

How did facebook become such a staple in my daily routine?

Two years ago - never heard of it.
Last year - flat our refused to join on principle.
Today - at least 2 hours devoted to the site.

What makes it so addictive?
Why do we crave it?

What is next?

Thats the scariest question of all!

Day 161

2009-05-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Dolly 2002.

Day 160

2009-05-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

Jane Eyre 2005.

Day 159

2009-05-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

Ruthless 2005.

Day 158

2009-05-09T13:10:00.001-07:00

Manic Monday.

How do you write a letter begging for money without appearing desperate?
Not as easy as it sounds.

Having been through 8 years of donation letters, I never find them easy but today is the day the 2009 letter will appear. If deemed worthy enough, it may even appear on this blog!

Maybe.
Or maybe it will appear in your mailbox, in which case, please send what you can.
You make a difference.

Day 157

2009-05-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

Babes In Arms 2006

Day 156

2009-03-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

Memories.
Big River 2007.

Day 155

2009-03-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Memories.
Utter Glory Of Morrissey Hall. 2008

Day 154

2009-03-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

Memories.
Blood Brothers 2008.

Day 153

2009-03-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

Memories.
Honk 2008

Day 152

2009-03-16T20:46:00.001-07:00

Keeping Mum.

Have you ever suspected someone of self-sabotage?

A family member?
A friend?
Your boss?

And when that suspicion pops into your mind for the first time, how do you erase it and let go? Its not easy.
Every action that person does (or doesn't do) will now be scrutinized by you leading to questions, doubts and theories.

And more theories.
And more theories.

Until you imagine it to be all in your head and the thought finally escapes you and things return to normal.
For a time.

Cyclical?
Most definitely.

Abusrd.
Totally.

Probable.
Absolutely.

Day 151

2009-03-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

A Sinking Ship.

The best memories are the ones that creep up on you without warning and bring a smile.
Or a giggle.
Or a full on guffaw.

Its those memories that can brighten the day, eclipse a foul mood, and make the day bearable.

Thanks for those memories! You know who you are.

Day 150

2009-01-17T19:18:00.000-08:00

Silk Sheets.

How do you make the most of a rainy Saturday?
How to fill an entire free day without overspending your daily allowance?

Working?
Sleeping?
Watching Lifetime Original Movies?

A combination of all three?
And more!

Day 149

2008-10-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

Top Design.

Sometimes we get so comfortable in our routines, our habits, even our wardrobe, that we can't see the rut we are trapped in.

Sometimes we need to step back and allow another person access to evaluate these chosen lifestyles.

It can be terrifying.
It can be nerve-wracking.

It can be liberating.

And then we may finally let go of the balloon pants we can't remember buying in the first place.

Day 148

2008-10-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

My
Fair
Lady

Tonight I was embarrassed.

I secured tickets for my co-workers and myself to attend a local regional theater production. Planned several weeks in advance everyone showed great enthusiasm.

By the end of intermission, I was sitting alone.

Oh there were great excuses, don't get me wrong.
One after another.

But if I ever, and I mean EVER, hear one of my co-workers complain about the lack of a theatrical "community" I will hurt someone.

Tonight, I was hurt.

Day 147

2008-10-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

Bailout.

If we are going to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to bail out the billionaires, who is going to bail me out when I am most in need?

Why should we help the wealthy maintain their lifestyle?

Because, without their fantastically absurd and unpractical life model, I wouldn't have anything to strive for!

Day 146

2008-10-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

Eagle Eye.

Can our government really spy on us?
Listen to our phone calls?
Read our emails?

Probably.
But really, why?

Honestly, if they want to be that nosey, they can open my email ahead of me every day. Delete my spam. Save work-related messages. And keep all bill reminders in the inbox in hopes I might someday take care of them.

They can listen to every call I make. In fact, why don't they just call me and keep me awake on the road. Motivate me when I am feeling lazy. Make me laugh when I am down.

They can read this blog and see if there is any anti-American sentimentality to be aware of. Or they could write it for me.

Better still, our government could just leave us all alone with faith that there still are some decent people left i this world.

There just have to be.

Day 145

2008-09-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Art Walk.

Anticipation can be a great thing.
It can also be terrifying.

Anticipation of the unknown (hurricanes, terrorists, economic depression) has been driving our country and our world's media for a long time.
And its time to stop.
High time.

There is enough fear already in our world. We don't need the extra push to bring impending doom into the forefront each night on the news or each time we log on to our email.

Enough already.

Day 144

2008-09-16T13:26:00.000-07:00

The Curiosity of Chance.

People come in and out of our lives.
Some form acquaintances.
Others become friends.
And a small few fill our heart and soul and grow to be part of our very being.

When life separates us from these particular persons, fate has a way of keep them part of us. Bringing them back in our lives.
Fate, and Facebook.

An old nursery rhyme sums it up better than I am able to at the moment:
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."

No matter what jewel, they are precious and we should hold on to them with all our hearts.

Day 143

2008-09-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

Thank you.

A special note to anyone who, even if only once in the past 3 years, has sent me a letter, dropped me a funny card, made a visit, dialed me up, or just said a prayer for me. I will forever be indebted to each and every one of you for giving me strength, support and courage.

The other night I (finally) began sorting through 3 boxes of get-well cards and letters. I have read over 500 notes from friends, family and even strangers who wanted to let me know I wasn't alone.

And, I am not sure I ever got to tell each of you...it really worked.
I never felt alone. I never felt frightened that I was fighting all by myself. I always knew that you were out there watching, praying and cheering my recovery on.

Thank you.

Day 142

2008-09-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

Newspaper Ad.

First days are sometimes hard.
Exhausting.
Long.
And frustrating.

Or they can go by in a blink of an eye because you have not one second of free time to even catch up on the office gossip (and eat ham salad sandwiches).

Guess which one I had!

Day 141

2008-09-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

Scapular.

Driving from Cleveland to Virginia Beach today was not the smooth 8-hour car trip anticipated. Traffic was heavy. Very heavy. It being Labor Day was no help at all.

Stand stills.
Accidents.
Police cruisers.

And an upset stomach.

Not the ideal car trip.
Made even more nerve-wracking when my attention came upon the fact that I wasn’t wearing my scapular.

I always wear my scapular. Always.
I think I have had it on most every minute of every day since August 1st, 2005.
Not the same scapular throughout this whole time (105 degree fevers tend to destroy more than just the party atmosphere I the hospital) but a blessed scapular nonetheless.

For those unfamiliar…and of course, I am not claiming expertise on the subject…the scapular is a religious cloth necklace (for lack of the correct word) with a small rectangle that is worn on your chest and a matching worn on your back made in honor of Mary’s appearance on Mt Carmel at some point in history. The vary in phrasing. On the front of my original was written “Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, please pray for us” while the back declared that “Whoever dies wearing this scapular shall not suffer eternal fire…Our Lady’s scapular promise”.

Even though, death from leukemia seems less likely every day, I kept the scapular.
Not superstitious as some have teased.

But a believer. And to be honest, I don’t even have a clue what the vision of Mary was about and to whom, but she hasn’t been wrong yet, so I won’t push it.

Besides, a get-out-of-jail/hell-card might come in handy one of these days.

P.S. For those wondering, yes, I had an extra in the car and am wearing it as I type!

Day 140

2008-02-18T19:55:00.000-08:00

Lent.

If you read this, you haven't given up on me completely and I appreciate that.
I am alone.
In Virginia Beach.
In a laundry room. Of a deserted Condo complex.
On February 18th.

And I am unmotivated.
And hating myself for being in that state.
And the state of Virginia!

But I am making money.
And finding myself.

Little by little.

Please have patience.

Day 139

2008-01-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

Baptism.

Will I ever be a god-father?
Not godfather in terms of organized crime but in the Catholic sense of the word.
Will anyone ever call me (or, more likely, facebook me) and ask me to be the godfather of their newborn son or daughter?
I wouldn't mind.
Seriously.
Seeing as the chances for me to father my own child are slim to none (cancer took care of that) I wouldn't mind the opportunity to be someone special to a new life.

So girls and boys, get married and pregnant already.
I'm ready.

Day 138

2007-12-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

The First Snow.

Nothing is impossible...
there are merely different levels of probability.

Day 137

2007-12-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

Lenders Magic and Costume Shop.
God sent us the rainbow as a sign that he would never again intentionally destroy mankind.
As long as there are rainbows, there is hope in our world.

When is the last time you have seen a rainbow?
Is it just me or are they hard to find as of late?

Just wondering.

Day 136

2007-12-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

Evan Almighty.

Have you ever been falsely accused of cheating?

At school?
At work?
In a relationship?

Nothing makes your heart sink more rapidly into your stomach that a false accusation of cheating.

How do you convince said accuser that no cheating is involved?

Do you search high and low for anything that will prove your case?
Do you turn the accusation back onto the accuser and take the focus off yourself?
Do you let allow the whole mess to blow over until the facts appear and prove your innocence?

And even after you have proven your innocence, what are the chances that seed of doubt will ever be erased completely from the mind of said accuser?

Points to ponder.
Definitely.

Day 135

2007-12-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

Winking Lizard.

I Didn't sleep well last night.

The wind was constantly howling and rattled windows throughout the house.

Dreams were filled with natural disasters, end of world scenarios and personal terror.
Not being able to sleep, I crept downstairs, sure that at least the cat would be as restless as I.

Scare-dy Cat?

Not so much.

Day 134

2007-11-30T09:21:00.000-08:00

Tree-lighting.

"My cousins used to have a crazy cocker spaniel but it didn't turn me off to men."
-Cindi Verbelun (discussing the sex drives of animals and their effects on the humans they encounter,or her post-graduate bestiality phase...one or the other).

Day 133

2007-11-30T09:16:00.000-08:00

Bills.

How do you make it through the holidays when unemployment strikes?

I realize I am not the first person finding themselves without work at the start of December, but where are the self-help books to guide your path and keep you smiling and sane by January 1st of the new year?

I suppose I could cut coupons.
Make my Christmas gifts instead of buying them.
Ride my bike and walk wherever possible.

Maybe even find a job.

Day 132

2007-11-27T05:22:00.000-08:00

Red Robin.

When you misplace your alarm clock and awake an hour behind schedule, is your day wasted?

Do you curse your luck and not bother trying to make up the lost time?
Do you run around like mad until you feel you have earned the missing hour back?
Or do you go back to sleep, because you can't remember why you set your alarm clock so early in the first place?

Day 131

2007-11-19T06:34:00.000-08:00

All Souls Day.

When did 30 get to be the new 40?
While growing up there were no end of "Over the Hill" parties for my parent's friends and older relatives.

It always seemed appropriate.
40 is a milestone to be proud of. To celebrate.
Halfway to 80.
On your way to OLD.

When did we start putting as much emphasis on 30?

Some say Hallmark and the greeting card industry.
Some say American retailers trying to cash in on anything possible.

I say it was episode 160 of "Friends" in 2001 where Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) turned 30 and had a breakdown and each other cast member reminisced about their own 30th. The show was so enormously popular and thus began the trend of creating a big deal out of the 30th birthday. Or so I like to think!

And as I stare at all the wonderful gifts I received and look at the pictures from the best birthday party I ever had (without a Whopper Hopper), I am definitely NOT complaining!

Day 130

2007-11-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

Dreams.

I have this reoccurring dream of running towards the stage to make an entrance but never getting my legs to move fast enough to make it on time.

According to a dream interpretation website it signifies my lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Interesting?
Or crap?

Anyone who knows me knows I lack not in self-confidence or self-esteeem.
But if the dream is always heading towards a stage does it have something to do with the fact that my stage manager Forbidden Broadway is always scrutinizing my every move and constantly treating me as if I am an undergrad? Or maybe I don't trust myself onstage as much as I'd like to believe I do? Or maybe my fear of the show closing early?

Fine.
Feel better?
Maybe.

But nothing explains why I was wearing the Santa Suit.

Day 129

2007-11-17T06:52:00.000-08:00

Diane Reame.

It has been said:
Publishing Poetry is like tossing a rose petal off of the top of the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.

Day 128

2007-11-16T04:43:00.000-08:00

Doomsday.

We hear so many stories of 2.8 earthquakes and tropical depressions that might turn into the next big hurricane, its enough to make the strongest cynic at least ponder the end of the world.

Is it really upon us, or is the world's media in need of ways to get better ratings?

And somewhat related (although possibly only in this brain) does no one die of natural causes anymore?

Must we need an answer for everything? Can't that 106 year-old man just die of old age instead of complications from acute cardiac long latency deficiency disease?

In our quest to always know more and "be in the know" we forget that people have lived on this earth for thousands of years, quite happily I might add, without an answer to everything.

Of course, leukemia might have been one of those natural causes.
Did I just destroy my own argument!

Day 127

2007-11-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

Fat Tax.

Should obese people be forced to pay more for travel?

Somewhere in the United States there is a bill posed before congress right now asking this very question.

When NPR began its half-hour long coverage and debate this morning on the topic there was no doubt in my mind that this policy would be squashed like a bug on the windshield.

I was wrong.
Dead wrong.

Folks from all over called in to relate their airplane horror stories of being stuck next to a large person for a 6 hour flight. Or in between two.
Or on the train. And subway. Or cruise ship dining room (not sure how that applied, though).

No one called to defend those who are overweight and share their side of travel nightmares. It can't be any easier for them.
Honestly I am sure they are just as uncomfortable if not more so than fellow "average" size travelers.

The arguments were there.
More weight = More fuel for the airplane.
Unhappy passengers = Less likely to rebook.

But aren't they burdened enough?
They are already forced to pay extra for their plus size clothing (which I will defend based solely on the 'more material needed' clause) and insurances are higher and harder to come by.

We need to figure out better ways to help Each Other thrive and enjoy life in our society and not make it harder to be who we are and what we are given to work with.

Right?

Day 126

2007-11-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Ruth Fogg.
January 11, 1929-November 6, 2007.

At a family funeral this morning an arrangement of flowers caught my eye.
A beautiful vase of all white carnations and lilies sat atop the urn.
Attached to the top was a plain card, which read:
"Ruth, I've been waiting for you. Wilma."

Who is/was Wilma?
A sister? Mother? Best friend?

And who leaves money behind to place such notes at others funerals?

Will you?
Will I?

Most assuredly!

Day 125

2007-11-08T05:26:00.000-08:00

Daylight Savings Time.

Humans have no problem adjusting to an extra hour of sleep.
Why can't cats?

You can explain and explain to them that they have to wait one more hour before breakfast but will they listen?

No.

Me. Me. Me.
Now. Now. Now.

On second thought, they aren't that much different after all.

Day 124

2007-11-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

Ratatouille.

I hate false modesty.
Its just another way of lying.

Day 123

2007-11-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Night.

Christmas in October?

Is it just me or is anyone else slightly disturbed that its not yet Halloween and the big stores (Walmart, Target) have already set up their Christmas and Holiday displays?

Something is not quite right about this.

Day 121

2007-11-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

The flu.

I know God won't give me anything I can't handle...
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.

Mother Teresa

Day 120

2007-10-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

Jack-O-Lantern.

Is Halloween only for the young?

Or can adults find just as much joy in the spirit of Halloween?

Dressing up in costume.
Eating way too much candy.
Watching horror films and cuddling on the couch.
Lighting those hollowed pumpkins that you spent hours carving.

It all sounds fun to this kid at heart.

Why not?

Day 119

2007-10-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

We Gotta Bingo.

Is it a show?
An event?
A theme park ride where they serve lasagna?

However you classify the new "Fun Raiser" opening soon at the 14th Street Stage in Cleveland, Ohio, you can't say its not an enjoyable evening.

Food.
Drinks (not included - bring your wallet).
Music.
Dancing.
Audience interaction.

and

Bingo.
Lots of it.
With prizes (this winner did return his XXX large forest green cardigan prize for future shows).

You will laugh.
And Laugh.

And Laugh.

Day 118

2007-10-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

Dreams.

When you awake from an extremely vivid dream in which you get a black eye from a flying tomato, should you worry?

Day 117

2007-10-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

Amanda Bynes.

Shakespeare Comedies + High School Movie Genre = Good Fun!

10 Things I Hate About You.
O.
She's The Man.
Deliver Us From Eva (well, maybe not this one!)

Movies based on Shakespeare not only tend to garner good reviews but they usually have decent box office takes.

Why?
Timing possibly?
Star Power?
The Conceptual Realization of the Work?

or
The Source Material?

One wagers to believe its the latter.
Shakespeare was good.

You can gather nearly every play he wrote and mold it into any time period, situation, and concept and come out with the same message, laughs, tears, and theatrical enjoyment.

The possibilities are unending.

Amanda Bynes conquering of different accents...keep trying.

Day 116

2007-10-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

Cat-Nip.

What do you complain about more than anything?

We all complain.

Some more than others.

Some about work.
Some about relationships.
Some about the government.

Some just love to complain.
And complain.
About anything and everything.

As long as there are ears to listen.

So stop listening and see if they stop complaining.
Then again, if we all stop complaining...who will read this blog...and will there be anything to write about!?

Day 115

2007-10-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

The Birthday Wish List.

-Popcorn Seasoning - specifically White Cheddar.
-Frasier - Seasons 7,8,9,10
-Rechargable Batteries - AA
-Bare the Album
-Underwear - fun undies, size small (briefs)
-Cologne - Tommy, CKB, any other new exciting scent (it can be a half-used bottle that you don't want anymore - i am up for anything!)
-speedo - size small (no thongs please!)
-Pillar Candles - any kind, color, scent
-Table Topics (family, couples, etc. editions)
-Vintage Karen Carpenter Records

I am registered at Target and Wallmart for your shopping options!
Just kidding...or am I?

Day 114

2007-10-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

America's Most Smartest Model.

What does GOP stand for?

If it takes more than 10 seconds to come up with that, you could very well be a participant on any of 8 new VH1 or MTV reality shows that celebrate the beauty of stupidity in America.

There was a time, was there not, when America worked hard on maintaining its image as the ultimate forward-moving, intelligent nation, able to top any other country's smartest?

Now our society practically worships our dumbest and least informed fellow citizens... for the sake of television ratings.

Anyone else see this as a problem?

The worst problem of all:
Stupid, beautiful people = good entertainment.

But at what cost?

Day 113

2007-10-06T11:58:00.001-07:00

The Seeker.

Can any new Sci-Fi movie hold up to the Harry Potter franchise?
A legitimate question.

The Seeker involves a young boy who finds himself with powers at age 14, and with these new-found powers he must fight off the Rider (aka - the Dark Lord) and save the world.

Sounds familiar?

Actually, Susan Cooper's "The Dark is Rising" series began in the early 1970s, decades before Harry Potter began to enter JK Rowling's imagination.
And yet, the movie based on her first novel of the series comes across as an outdated lesser adaptation of the genre.

Why?

Will any science-fiction saga replace Harry Potter as the penultimate literary figure in our lifetime?

Doubtful.
And yet, strangely hopeful.

Day 112

2007-10-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Boston Market.

Who's Your bra?

The new Breast Cancer support campaign has begun with a commercial where women (presumably having fought or are fighting breast cancer) ask the viewing audience who their "bra" is...meaning support, in their time of need.

Does this kind of advertising help us better relate to people with breast cancer?
Aide in our sympathy by comparing it to something every female can concur with?
Does it shock us into awareness?

Who knows.

Next up: Ads for Testicular cancer: Who's Your Jockstrap?

I give up.

Day 111

2007-10-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

Man-crush.

Noun.

Sincere and total admiration by one adult male towards another, most often associated with sports (ex. a favorite baseball player) and musicians.

Bizarre.

I don't believe the term existed a year ago.
Or even a few months ago.

What's next?

Day 110

2007-09-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

All the Good Ones are Married.

Lifetime Original Movies.

Trashy.
Terrible.

Totally addictive.

Day 109

2007-09-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

National City Bank.

We live in a society of fear.

You see the commercials.
You read the billboards.
You listen to our politicians.

But do you buy into their propaganda?

Do you worry about that upcoming pandemic?
Do you stress over those potential terrorist attacks?
Do you lie awake wondering when the next stock market crash will be?

Fear.
Not worth living under.

Day 108

2007-09-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

Holy Ghosts.

Pentecostal snake handlers without the snakes.

Last night Beck Center performed a final dress rehearsal of a play called Holy Ghosts.
I attended.

The play, while not to my personal taste, was intriguing in a PBS documentary sort of way.
Make that, part PBS Docu-drama/ part Spoon River Anthology.
Really, it functions as an explanation, not of the religion, but of the people who seek refuge within that religion. People who need a place to wipe out the past, make a fresh start, and find an understanding group of new friends who make your own issues seem obsolete.

Outcasts.
Adulterers.
Elderly.
The mentally challenged.
All find solace within the four walls of the rundown building.

And then there are the snakes.
Snakes symbolizing your struggle with the devil.
Poisonous snakes that won't bite you if your faith is strong.
Snakes are the true test.

And lets just say, imaginary snakes in this prodection work just fine.
Especially from the 2nd row.
Phew!

Day 107

2007-09-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

Easter Lily.

Who knew that lilies are poisonous to cats?
That they cause acute kidney failure if the cat so much as nibbles on them?
Bringing almost certain death within 36 hours?

Not me.
Hope I won't have to find out the hard way.

I caught Sondheim eating my Opening Night floral arrangement while on the phone with my stage manager this afternoon, who informed me of the poison and to take him to emergency care immediately. The vet, in turn, told me to watch Sondheim closely for signs of depression and lethargy. Its the afternoon, he is always lethargic.

Watching and waiting.

Even if he is poisoned, there isn't much to be done.
They can try dialisis which can cost between $5,000 and $15,000 but its only 15% effective.

Unthinkable.

Watching and waiting.

Maybe even tossing out a small prayer here and there.

Day 106

2007-09-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Around Noon with Dee Perry.

My boss at Virginia Musical Theatre keeps a to do list on his computer.
He calls it:
The Big To Do

Nothing is too small to be included on the Big To Do.
Grants.
Groceries.
Greeting Cards.

He claimed it kept him on task.
Allowed him to focus.
Made his job easier in and out of the office.

For years I didn't understand the function.
It seemed silly.
How could making such a list help your day?
How could writing down a few things keep my day intact?

But I tried it once.
Just once. I was convinced that would be the end.

Now, I am a listing king.
Everything that needs to get done better be on that list.
Try it sometime.

Powerful stuff!

Day 105

2007-09-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Sydney White.

When financial panic threatens to ruin your day, you can:

Run screaming through the house, naked.
Blame others and sit alone on your couch with german chocolate cake.
go see the new Amanda Bynes movie to clear your mind (and empty your wallet.

Get a job.

Day 104

2007-09-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

Geauga Lake.

The end of an era.
The dismantling of 119 years of a legend.
The closing of another valuable cultural center.

Going too far?
Quite possibly.
But it is a sad day.

Cedar Fair could have at least given us a chance to ride the coasters one last time.
View the (truly horrific) live shows again.
Eat the overpriced and unhealthy food we craved before shutting the gates for good.

What a shame.

Why, someone may ask, would you prefer run-down little Geauga Lake when Cedar Point is a mere 70 miles away?

When you enter Cedar Point, you are instantly aware just how little time is in a 12 hour day. You rush from one ride to another, barely maintaining conversation over the the sweltering heat. Your legs ache by 6 pm and you end the day with very little enthusiasm and patience.

Geuaga Lake, while not offering nearly the same amount of "thrills", provided this relaxed "no pressure" atmosphere that was easy to soak in. The lines, if any, were never long. And you could guarantee you weren't being judged by fellow attendees.

Where will we go for cheap thrills now?

Day 103

2007-09-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

Luckys Cafe.

When its in your nature to be controlling, how do you ease up?

Do you silently stew, grinding your teeth that things could be going much better your way?

Do you make little hints and try and steer others in the directions you want things to go without being obvious?

Do you just blog about it, and hope it helps?

Life is too tough to always be the bad guy.
Learn to let go.

Day 102

2007-09-17T05:48:00.001-07:00

Penn Station.

Have you ever made a deal with God?
Dear God, if you just let me pass this exam, I will never skip class again.
Dear God, if you help my tax return come in the mail today, I will never use my
shampoo as a deduction again.
Something like that.

Or maybe you just make promises to yourself.
Do you stick with them?

True Story (may help explain some of my eccentricities):

A little more than a week into my hospitalization (a Thursday) I was having a bad day. I was in some serious pain and things weren't really looking good. I could tell. I played dumb in the hospital a lot but I always knew what was going on. The doctors were spending long times in the hall after seeing me. The nurses seemed to come by more often. My body started to have severe reactions to the chemotherapy.

So I began to worry.
Really worry.

I tried never to let on (the first 30 days I was the strongest) but I was started to have bouts of panic when I wondered whether or not I would make it out of there.

We prayed a lot.
And kept praying and kept praying.
Still do.

So this day...late evening I suppose, it was after dinner and someone had come to visit and everyone went to the lounge to talk and let me rest.

But I couldn't rest. I started to ache, and hurt, and really start to flip out.
I kept saying, God, please let me get better. Don't let me die like this.
Over and over.

And then (this is where eyes might roll, but I'll stick to it until the end) I had this vision or visit or...something. A woman was in my room. Dressed in white. She stood next to my bed and put her hand on my forehead. She asked me what i wanted and all I could think to say was that I wanted to get better. She told me I would. I responded that if I were to get better I would never waste another minute and would fill each day to the brink. She said she looked forward to watching that. Then I must have nodded off I suppose.

The next thing I remember I was surrounded by family and there was something inside of me saying I was going to be fine, eventually.

It took me a little time but I really do try and stick with my oath that each day will be filled (even to the annoyance of my more relaxed loved ones).

Sometimes those promises we make, even to ourselves, are worth persistance.

Day 101

2007-09-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

The Melting Pot.

Dinner with friends.

Can be exciting.
Relaxing.
Entertaining.

Expensive.

But worth every penny?
Most definitely.

Good memories will outlast this week's paycheck one hundered fold.

Day 100

2007-09-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

Beatrix Potter.

Let me teach you how to dance.
Let me lead you to the floor.
Simply place your hand in mine.
And then think of nothing more.
Let the music cast its spell.
Give the atmosphere a chance.
Simply follow where I lead.
Let me teach you how to dance.

Day 99

2007-08-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

Anthony Hopkins.

Even a broken watch is correct twice a day.

Day 98

2007-08-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

Death at a Funeral.

Have you ever been at a wedding where the bride runs away with the best man?
Ever been at a funeral where someone reveals dark, dirty secrets about the deceased?

No?

Yet how many movies, plays, and television shows are swarming with these events?
Dozens.
Possibly hundreds.

And why?

We like the improbable.
The unlikely.
The impossible.

We relish in the excitement of the absurd.
We enjoy the thrill of the unimaginable.

And are somehow subconsciously grateful that the bizarre is left to the imagination of great artists, and not at cousin Gina's third wedding.

Day 97

2007-08-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Superbad.

Are we as a society becoming increasingly more and more insensitive?
Is the only way to get a reaction and a big box office at the movies to be violent or downright disgusting?

Sitting in the movies last night, I was struck by the lack of audience reaction on the safe, fun, and corny moments of Superbad...this year's answer to American Pie or Revenge of The Nerds.
Even more surprised that the same quiet crowd broke into hysterical roaring with each inappropriate scenario, profane remark or the now-standard body-fluid scene.

Not offended.
I laughed along but at the same time felt a growing unease with the concern on what direction movie studios will have to take in the future to fill seats, get buzz and make money.

Enough with the body fluids, already.

Day 96

2007-08-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

He's Back.

So its no surprise that I have been very sparse in my writings these past 9 or so weeks. Putting me a good 65 or so days behind where I should be on my blogging.
My apologies for disappearing.

It wasn't for lack of thoughts.
They were there.
Loads of things I want to share.
(Just completed a run of Seussical The Musical, so excuse the rhymes!)

And I will share them with you.
In time.

Right now, bed is calling my name.

Day 95

2007-07-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Cigarettes.

I have a friend who smokes.
Only one.

Seems bizarre but just the one.

I have been putting the pressure on him to quit.
Cut back.
Please, give it up.

Then at lunch today, an interesting argument was made to leave him be.
In November last year there was a bill on the local ballot (Issue 18) that would allow public funding to the arts from an increased sales tax...on cigarettes.
The cigarettes he now purchases go towards the budgets of not-for-profit theatres in Cuyahoga County. Theatre I work at and support. Theatres that I run. Including, Mercury Summer Stock.

I may feel guilty for a little. But just a little when I say:
"Go ahead. Smoke. As much as you want!"

Day 94

2007-07-22T20:59:00.001-07:00

Fifty Five.

Today my father turned the ripe 'ol age of 55.
Does he look it?

Haven't a clue.
What does 55 look like?

Not old.
Not entirely young.

Still fun?
Still learning?
Still ready for new things?

Why not!

Day 93

2007-07-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

Anniversaries.

Six months today.
Officially in remission.

Feels like years.

How important are anniversaries nowadays?
Who remembers them?
What ones do your celebrate?

Doesn't it feel as if you can't go ten hours without either seeing on television, hearing on the radio, or discussing with a friend, an anniversary of some sort.
"One-year anniversary sale"
"Two years since the divorce went through"
"Nine years since we rescued Fluffy"

Not to say that these aren't important to the individual celebrating them.
But enough already.
I wouldn't have even known it was my six month anniversary of remission if my Dr. hadn't told me at my appointment the other day.

The more anniversaries we have, the less special an beautiful, ordinary day might seem.

So celebrate each day as if it were an anniversary.
In a way it is.
Each day is one day longer you have been on the earth.
Celebrate the DAY and leave the anniversary for the really monumental stuff.

Example: My Birthday. November 2nd. Presents optional!

Day 92

2007-07-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

Volunteers.

When I used to hear the saying "One Rotten Apple can ruin the whole barrel" I would dismiss it as utter nonsense.
If you are a seemingly well-balanced individual, you should be able to separate the negative individual and focus on the positive influences in the situation.
You would think.

But its not always the case and that saying may hold more truth than I once previously believed.
And if that rotten egg, so to speak, haappens to rub up against another who in turn...
you get the picture.

Tonight I witnessed this phenomenon first-hand.
And its quite terrifying.
And very little one can do from the outside.

And makes you very sad for the first individual who arrived with the poison in their veins.
Very sad indeed.

Day 91

2007-07-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Pirate Queen.

When you live with the people you work, sometimes the tensions on the job make their way into the home.
What do you do to separate the two?

Ignore the problem and talk about the weather?
Bring the issue up at home in hopes that the situation won't seem as overpwering outside of the job?

Or, give it time off and yourself a rest from the stress...at least for the night?

Whatever you choose, remember you aren't alone.
An answer, a solution, and a new outlook are sometimes just a good night's sleep away.

Day 90

2007-06-25T06:18:00.001-07:00

Reviews.

Do you read reviews?
Do you care what critics say about your work?
About you?

If you are one who says they never read reviews...you are lying!
Theatre is an ego-centric profession. Its a given.
Yes, its supposedly about the art and the storytelling.
But its also, you, onstage, in front of a crowded theatre (hopefully).

And approval is definitely a plus.

If you are one of those who admits to reading those reviews, do you alter your performance?
Or do you stand firm in your take on the role?

Tough questions today.

In my own personal opinion, which is essentially what a review is anyways (not mine but the critics): stick true to the character you have created and the performance you are giving; unless there is a great revelation on some aspect that never came to the creative team's mind during the course of the show.
Or to correct a blatent error that went under radar (ex: the pronunciation of Cairo)

And for those reviewers who find it necessary to comment on the age of the performers (I feel a Verbelun moment coming on):
Don't you think we know we are too old sometimes.
Don't you think our bodies ache and tell us we aren't 14 years old any longer?
Don't you think we are smart enough to know but wise enough to accept the role because we relish the opportunity to create something onstage we might be quite good in doing?

Bring it on!

Day 89

2007-06-25T06:16:00.001-07:00

Reactions.

When something good happens to you, you have high hopes that everyone will share in your excitement.
Not always the case.

Never underestimate the power of jealousy.
Or concern.
Or just plain displeasure from others at your happiness.

Do you dwell on their reactions or continue to feel damn good about yourself for moving forward in your carreer?
What would you do?

Day 88

2007-06-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

SVU.

One sometimes hears an actor say, that the audition you are looking least forward to, is the one you end up booking.
Or the gig you have no expectations for getting, you land.

It took time to understand but it truly does make sense.

Case study:
You are up for a job interview that for a position you really really want.
You are nervous.
You sweat.
You fumble your words.
Thoughts get jumbled.
You don't give the best impression of who you are.

Case study 2:
You go to an interview for a job you aren't necessarily crazy about or a position you don't really need.
You have a much better time remaining calm.
Focussed.
Yourself.
The pressure if off.

And more often than not, a better impression is left.
You may even end up with the job.
Or the role.
Man 1 in Forbidden Broadway SVU for the next 6 months or your life.

Insane.

Day 87

2007-06-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

Forbidden Broadway.

Small Houses.
Theatres around the country are plagued with them.
What a budding theatre to do?

Sink money into expensive advertising?
Chuck it all in and move on to a new project?
Or rely on word of mouth to pick up your attendance?

Forget the second option. When all else fails you try at least one more thing before throwing in the towel.
And then another thing.
And one more even.

Never give up.
Tomorrow brings new options...everyday.

Day 86

2007-06-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

Oceans 13.

Is it possible to enjoy the third in a series of movies better than the previous installments?
It seems absurd.
Impossible, even.

But it can happen.
And happen with a quietly, charming and witty story of crooks out for revenge.

Was it more enjoyable, knowing that it may be the last of the "Ocean" movies?
Was it because the weather was perfect movie weather - dark and stormy?
Was it just because it lived up to the hype?

Any way you slice it, no complaints here.

Day 85

2007-06-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

Its Today.

There is something to be said about a lazy afternoon.
A productive morning falling into a nice, leisurely mid-day break.
Followed by an evening or work and socializing.

The perfect day.

Day 84

2007-06-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Dirty Rotten Scoundrals.

Father's Day.

A special day to thank our dads for being such wonderful caregivers, advisors and friends.
A day to express our deep gratitude for all they have sacrificed for us.

A day made even more special when that dad, pays the restaurant bill.
I love you dad!

Day 83

2007-06-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

Opening Night.

The adrenaline. The quickened pulse.
The anticipation.

Nothing makes you feel alive like an Opening Night.
The rush.
The excitement.
The nerves.

The Magic of Live Theatre.

Day 82

2007-06-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

Preview.

A preview with no audience.

Can you still consider it a preview?
Or do you change the name to final dress?

And really, is anyone counting?

Day 81

2007-06-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

Lightboard.

Adding elements, such as lighting and costumes and orchestra, to a production, can increase the anxiety for the actor.
They now must have control of their lines, blocking, and music and must keep the focus on the story.
It can be quite frightening, and a tremendous amount of work.

But it can also serve to enhance the style, the quality, and performance.

The question then becomes:
Is it worth the stress and worry when faced with adding additional layers to the show?

No.
As long as the story telling remains the clear focus you should have no fear.

Day 80

2007-06-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Tom Sawyer.

When you are replacing another actor in a show , there are going to be certain expectations...

Will you live up to the original?
Can any performer ever surpass the original artist?

Ask Patti Lupone if she ever felt dwarfed by Julie Covington's original concept of Evita, or Angela Lansbury's Mrs. Lovitt, or even Ethel Merman's Mame Rose?

Take it and run with it.
Or don't take it at all.

Day 79

2007-06-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

First Run.

When an already aggravating day ends frustratingly, what can you do to not go to bed angry?

Do you watch a sitcom rerun on Lifetime and try to laugh?
Do you eat your troubles away?
Do you blog to get the anxiety off your chest in hopes that upon waking tomorrow, your troubles will be lessened.

Or do you just go to bed, because even as upset as you are, you can't possibly stay awake one more minute.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Day 78

2007-06-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

The 61st Annual Tony Awards.

Big upset tonight.
Raul Esparza was robbed.
It should have been his night.
There is no reason he should have gone home empty-handed.
Not to mention poor Martha Plimpton being tossed aside for previous winner, Jennifer Ehle.

Aside from those two shockers, the Tonys were pleasantly fun this year.
Great performances. The hours flew by.
Even a few cute speaches.

Never having been a fan of an award show minus the host, this Tonys made me reconsider my prejudice.
It does allow everyone their own moment in the spotlight, as it were.

The biggest dissapointment is having to wait a whole year for the next one.

Day 77

2007-06-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

A toast.

May the best of your pasts,
be the worst of your futures.

Day 76

2007-06-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

Vienna's

Putting it together.
Bit by bit.
Part by part.

When a show comes together so quickly there isn't a lot of time to develop relationships with your fellow cast members.
Aside from a few words at the beginning and end of rehearsals and maybe a quick "I gotta pee" as you race to the restroom on a break, it doesn't allow for much offstage interaction.

Does that affect the morale of the company?
Can a onstage show maintain authenticity if the offstage actors haven't developed a firm comradery?
How forcefully do you pursue those new relationships when you have hundreds of lines yet to memorize?

We shall soon find out.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Day 75

2007-06-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

Dan Arrives.

A day of contradictions.

Dan arrived and brought with him a fresh energy.
A much needed breath of fresh air.

The same day.

A good friend lost the child inside her.
Horrifying tragedy.

When you are given such opposing circumstances at the same time, there must be a reason.
So one can keep everything in perspective perhaps.
Or to make you appreciate your life more.

Or just confuse the heck out of you when you are trying to come up with a clear thought about the day.

Day 74

2007-06-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

Crabby.

When Plan A and B and sometimes even C don't work, do you continue to Plan D or do you scrap the original idea and discover a new Plan A?

Day 73

2007-06-05T20:54:00.001-07:00

Parma Little Theatre.

Unpacking can be very theraputic.
Whether its clothing during vacation, a school bag at the end of the term, or a box of props from a past production.
Whatever the item, a memory is attached.

And that memory is forever.

Day 72

2007-06-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

We are the Boys.

At a picnic we held over the weekend, one partygoer was heard to proclaim at least 12 times to various indivuals and groups,
"I can't drink today, I am driving two highschool girls and have a show to do tonight".

What is going on in a person to make them repeat a thought over and over to different and the same folk?
Do they realize they have already voiced the thought outloud several times?
Do they just need to be heard?

Maybe its lonleliness and that person deserves our compassion and not criticism.
Maybe its the onset of Alzheimers.

Maybe we shouldn't be as critical of others.

But damn, it makes for good conversation sometimes!

Day 71

2007-06-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

St. Anthony of Padua.

Anticipation.

The day before rehearsals.
Tension is in the air.
Nerves are frayed.

Wound tight.

Will the next 24 hours run smoothly?
Have we anticpated all possible problems and issues?
Does the day before rehearsals ever get easier?

Will we sleep soundly tonight?

Day 70

2007-06-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

Picnic.

Getting older sometimes feels unfare.
Sometimes unbelievalbe.
Sometimes frustrating.

But when you realize you aren't growing older alone and your good friends are going through the same life situations as you, age seems irrelevant.

Friendships.
Not age.

Day 69

2007-06-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

For your Consideration.

Complete mental and physical exhaustion.
Everyone is tired.
Worn out.
Pooped.

Everyone, except the cat.

At first hestitant, Sondheim has taken the house by storm, leaping and bounding on every available surface.
And several unavailable spaces,
Such as this laptop.
While opened.
Being used.

With newly discovered claws.

Day 68

2007-05-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

Guys and Dolls.

Or.

When bad shows happen to good people.

When you are directing a musical that requires a specific stylization, and you disregard that stylization in an effort to make the show 'realistic', you risk losing the heart of the show.

And the audience.
And its a damn shame.

Day 67

2007-05-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dr. Nemeh.

Dr. Nemeh is a healing Doctor. Blessed by the Holy Spirit, he has the ability to heal the sick.
Seriously.
He holds large prayer services around the United States and prays over anyone who is in need of healing.
He has worked several miracles in his career thus far and most likely assisted in healing many sick folk.
He is holding a healing service at my home parish of Sts. Peter and Paul in June.

I got to thinking on my drive to Sandusky last night:
Suppose you are someone relatively famous for being able to do something special.
You have a gift.
People all over the world recognize your abilities and honor your talents.

Suppose that gift is gone one day.
Finished.
Nothing happens.
The spirit has left you.
You ask for God's help to restore the powers but get no answer.

What do you do?
Do you continue to pray over people and offer your services, unsure if God is within you any longer?
Do you go into a quiet retirement?
Do you get angry?

Just a thought.
People say I love to play devil's advocate.
I think of it a different way. I like to imagine a twist, that would make a good story.
Devil's advocate sounds so heartless.
I prefer to think of myself as a journalist of life, trying to nab that one great story.

After all, its just in my imagination.
Isn't it?

Day 66

2007-05-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

The Red Exerciser.

Maybe the saying that pets keep you young has some truth.
The kitten began day II of the uncle Brian/uncle Pierre stay by hiding under the couch.
By 10:00 pm, Sondheim hopped, jumped and climbed on every piece of furniture he had access to, claws at the ready.
I found myself laughing and using far more energy playing with him than I would have on a typical Tuesday.
A bizarre feeling.
I may actually be sad to see him go.
Possibly.

But seriously Dan, must you have suggested naming him Sondheim?
What kind of a cat name is that?
Its so archaic and somber.
Besides, I played some Sweeny Todd today and he much preferred a little Judy.

Day 65

2007-05-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

Sondheim.

An idea.
Just a fleeting thought, really.
Bring two lonesome souls together.

Would it be a welcomed union?
Would the balance of their lives be upturned?
Would it fill a gap?

And how do you explain that the unification, which may be deemed truly random.

One girl named Cindi.
One kitten named Sondheim.
A world of possibilities.

Day 64

2007-05-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

Outburst.

When your day begins with an unattended board meeting and concludes with a friend's emotional breakdown during a game of Balderdash, you know something is in the air.
Or the water.

When things are just 'off' and there is no apparent rhyme or reason, what do you do?

Let it be?
Work aggressively to solve all unanticipated glitches?
Get frustrated?

Or just laugh it off and trust that tomorrow, your universe will be back on its appropriate axis.

Day 63

2007-05-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

Hellboy.

One of the most difficult things you ever has to do in life is say goodbye to a loved one.
Perhaps the hardest.
Especially when there is no definite date when your paths will cross again.

All we can really do is wish them well, say a prayer, and say another prayer that until we meet again, that person will stay safe, happy and healthy.

Goodbye Kyle, God Bless.

Day 62

2007-05-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

It's Today.

A brilliant director once said that 75% of the success of a show is dependent on casting.
Casting is a very difficult, tricky and often trying business in the theatrical world.
When the obvious choice isn't available how to pick from what you've got left?

Do you pick an actor with a voice you could listen to all night long but may not have brilliant acting chops?
Do you go with the one who has a charisma and presence that draws you attention but possesses unsure vocal ability?
Do you go instead with a specific physical type that fits the mold of the character perfectly but may take some extra work?

Do you stress when someone doesn't have all of the above?

You bet your ass!