Day 14

Church and Theatre.
These two things aren't normally paired together but I was struck tonight during the Easter Vigil Mass at the church in my hometown just how similar both instituitions are for one reason...audience (or in the Church's case, parishoners). Looking around at mass you see a very familiar crowd to most theatres - the elderly. The majority of church and theatre goers are well beyond their 20s, 30s and even 40s. Sad, really...for both. Why don't the young people go to church anymore? Why is it hard to get them to come to the theatre? As they age and settle into their lives will they begin to attend both? Or will both church and theatre attendance continue to dwindle until there is nothing left?
Depressing. So I once again encourage all of my friends to get away from your computers and televisions and swing over to your church or patronize your local theatres. Develop that sense of 'community' I fear we are losing.
On the bright side, tomorrow is Easter and my last Mass for the weekend (my voice is ready for a needed berak) and then a huge family dinner (minus Daniel, whom we will all miss) and some downtime with the folks.
Here comes Peter Cottontail...

Day 13

Rejection.
In our line of work - prostitutes and artists - rejection is commonplace. The 'norm' even. They tell you for every 50 auditions, one job offer will come your way. Still, years in, rejection is hard. Possibly easier to see coming after time but the actual letter, call or email still stings. Does rejection make us stronger? Or harder? Or just simply tell us there are better things waiting in the wings? I will choose to believe the latter.
P.S. pierre, something better IS waiting for you...and those people don't know what they will be missing.

Day 12

Rest.
Is it possible to miss (while only slightly) the exhaustion that accompanies being a cancer patient and the unwavering readiness for others to allow that person to just sleep? Gone are the days when a simple "I'm tired" meant crashing on a bed or the couch and not being bothered for however long it took to recoup. Ah the simple life! If only the intense pain and fear of not waking up didn't accompany that sleepiness and life would have been set. Now the phone, the washer and dryer, the parents, the boyfriend, the tv shows I am addicted to watching - all keep me from that much missed sleep. Will there ever be a time again when sleep without guilt or fear of missing some part of life will be the normal? Not a clue here. Until then, one must keep expensive concealing cream in supply to cover those damn bags under the eyes!

Day 11

Global Warming?
Last night I slept naked with not even a sheet to cover my body. Windows were opened to catch a breeze. I still found myself sweating. I hate to sweat.
This morning I woke up to much cooler temperatures and by 7 pm had snow on the ground.
Snow! In the beginning of April. I don't know how I feel about that. One thing is for sure...tonight I will not sleep naked, nor will I sweat. Ok, I might still sleep naked. Its anyone's guess!

Day 10

Tunnel Vision.
Driving 8 + hours home today with an oft-busted cellphone gives one a lot of time for reflection.
Or a LOT of ipod listening. Or perhaps a mix of the two.
Each morning while brushing my teeth I read a Saint of the Day book that my brother gave me when leukemia struck. Each day, I say a prayer to that particular Saint that the values they lived and brought on this earth will give me a little guidence or sometimes even just a goal for the day. Nothing heavy. A simple thought to start the day. Today three martyrs grouped together, St. Agape, St. Chionia and St. Irene spoke of the "If Only" way of living and it stuck ALL day. Do I rehash past mistakes? Do I review past choices and try to decide if they were the correct ones? Today I did. And, let me be the first to say its not the ideal way to pass the time. I have always been the first to say 'no regrets' but maybe thats not entirely true. Of course as the three Saints were for just the opposite. Let go. Just let go.
Argh!

Day 9

Home.
Is it anxiety? Is it excitement? Is it pure terror of the long drive that is to come tomorrow?
Why am I so ready to be home?
I am packed and have even begun mentally planning bathroom stops.
Very unlike myself tonight.
And then the questions arise...my home is Cleveland...I love my home...but will I always? Wil Virginia Beach ever seem like home to me? Will I ever make New York City a home again?
Home. There is something magical about the word. Say it outloud and you can't help but have an image in your mind.
What makes a place your home? Is it the town where you were born? Where you moved after college, looking to feel like an adult? Would you defend it in a battle (of words most likley unless we are really heading in the wrong direction with society!).
Long story short, home is where we all want to be. Tomorrow at this time, God willing, I will be at mine.
Last thought, what is it about home that make you ask questions in threes!

Day 8

Endings...and Beginnings

The show has closed. The final curtain dropped. The props tucked away. The costumes packed up. The actors sent on to their next gig. The end.
Or...
The show has closed. A new friend made. A chance to reconnect with others. A better understanding of an old friend's situation and circumstances. A sense of accomplishment. A sigh of relief.