Monday, April 30, 2007

Day 37


We Will Rock You.

Is anyone still reading this blog?
The youth of America (ok, the former youth of America) want to know.
Go ahead.
Leave a comment.
Even just a 'hey, I read...you suck' (except please don't say suck, its quite possibly my least favorite word in the world).
Or 'hey, I never understand what your first sentence has to do with the rest of the thought.'

With each question there is an answer.
With each comment, a new thought is prompted.

Say you asked me what was up with today's first line.
It makes no sensde to you.
You demand an explanation.
And so you shall have it.

Today, there was much focus on Youth.
And with youth, comes rebellion and angst.
And a quest for knowledge and experience.
And the simple combing of these issues brings us to the 'Queen' musical, "We Will Rock You."

Makes perfect sense.

So, if you are out there...this blog would love to hear from you.
Fire away.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Day 36


I'd Rather Be Sailing.

Sometimes you are guilted into doing things you have no desire to participate in.
Like a 5 hour boat trip.
With 9 people you don't know.
Who are all rich and have no interest in the actvities you fill your life with.
And who drink.
And drink.
When you happen to be on the wagon (acid reflux...'nuff said).

Sometimes you just have to breathe slowly through hours 3 and 4 so we don't accidentally push said "friend" off side of boat and into the depths of the ocean.
Oops.

Sometimes you would much rather be doing anything but sailing.

(picture: capsized sailboat being towed to shore - the survivors would rather not be sailing as well!)

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Day 35




The Nina, The Pinta and The Santa Maria.

How important is history to us?
Do we take our history for granted?
Or do we look back at the past and learn?

What about our personal history?
Do we dwekk on our own pasts and learn from our own mistakes, actions, and accomplishments?
O are we the person who looks straight forward without so much as a backward glance?

Go ahead.
Look back
It really is a fascinating world.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Day 34


Disturbia.

What is it about horror movies that gives you such a high?

That adrenaline rush?
The pounding heart?
A racing pulse?

Or just knowing that two minutes before the credits, the bad guy will get whats coming and the heroes will make out!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Day 33


Ugly Betty.

Have you ever been so absorbed in what you are doing you lose track of time?

St. Richarious (A.D. 645) got so absorbed in his prayers to God it is said he "seemed almost to forget he had a body."
Not that most of us get that involved in things but it brings up an interesting theory.

Are artistic people more apt to become absorbed in their work and this lose track of themselves than say the average Joe?
Do they get lost in the project and finally glance up 6 hours later not realizing that time had past?

Realizing that St. Richarious got lost in prayer may be hard to comprehend. And comparing a Saint to the artsy person may seem a leap.
But the two have many similarities.

Praying can be creative. Prayer isn't necessarily an 'Our Father' and the Sign of the Cross.
A song can be prayer. In fact, one is oft to hear it said that singing is praying Twice.
How often do we allow ourselves to sing?
And sing with abandon?

Reality shows always show the clock ticking.
Comercials tell is to hurry before its too late.
Time is Running out. Faster.
Faster.

What tells us to slow down and lose ourselves in the joy of just being alive?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Day 32


Idol Gives Back.

Sometimes we hurt our friends.
Not necessarily on purpose.
Not with malice.
Not intentionally.
Not even knowingly.

Sometimes the past comes back to haunt us.
How do we fix past mistakes?
Mend old wounds?

Do we continuing looking straight ahead or take a backwards glance and review our decisions?
Or do we take a peak at the past, make peace with it, and move on?

Peace sounds pretty damn good right about now. Pass it on.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Day 31


Decisions.

How do you decide what you do?
The big and the little things.

Do you act on impulse or gut?
Do you look into the future to see what difference each decision may make?
Do you weigh your options against one another?

Or do you just grab the first porn off the shelf before anyone you might recognize sees you?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Day 30


Motivation.

Today ranks low on the Things-Accomplished chart.
Real low.
So-oooo low there may actually be less accomplished than when the sun rose over the horizon this morning.

How does one get motivated when "just floating by" seems the simpler choice?
What propels us to make the effort to tackle new things, even hard things, that we keep postponing?
What can we do to kick ourselves in the behinds and make tomorrow count?

Sleep on it and in the morning Do Not, I repeat, Do Not hit snooze!
Make tomorrow count.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Day 29


The Lady Of Shalott.

She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

While traveling alone on an eight-hour road trip, one comes to acknowledge the value of the book on tape.
Not only does it truly pass the time faster than any opera cd, NPR commentary, or mixed tape you might have on hand for the occasion, it can make sitting for 45 minutes in Washinton D.C. rush hour bearable (granted you aren't in desparate need of a restroom). It can take a sunny day and turn it into the storm of the century. It can disolve a the atmosphere of a stale, stuffy car ride and transform it into a snowboarding adventure down Mt. St. Helen. It can throw you head-on into the world of King Arthur and Camelot, so much so that the car horns around you become nothing more than muted battle cries as you storm the castle walls. But, most importantly, it solves to correct the truly bad spoiler habit of peaking ahead a page or two, as some nosey bookworms may be prone.
A significant advancement of modern technology and fantastic for the imagination.

(pictures coming tomorrow - dial up is way too slow!)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Day 28


Give my Regards to...

Its that time of the year! Theatre companies around the country are announcing their upcoming seasons.
Hoping their choices will lure new audiences and win the approval of the faithful patrons.
Praying that their picks will bring in the bucks, dazzle the critics, and the communities in which they reside.
Will they succeed?
Or will their lineup bring disaster?
Check back in 6 months for updates and evaluations, and of course, gossip.

On a side note,
A double for Man Of La Mancha? What is wrong with this picture?

Friday, April 20, 2007

Day 27


Passion.
Cleveland reviewers don't sell shows.
Cleveland reviewers don't close shows.
Why do we need them?
I suppose, if for nothing else, they provide juicy conversation to the Cleveland theatregoer.
They give us educated opinions in efforts to validate the performances we see on our local stages.
Do we listen? Or are we able to come to decisions ourselves?
I think you know that answer, but sometimes, aren't they just too much fun to pass up?
keep 'em coming, boys (and girl/boys as may be the case).

Day 26


All Shook Up.
Jukebox Musicals.
Creative or lazy? I have yet to decide.
I suppose it depends on the one in question though.
Tonight, "All Shook Up" impressed me.
Of course, taking Elvis songs and putting it to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night had to be a challange to get right.
But somehow they succeeded.
Are Jukebox Musicals really a new theatrical genre? Or have they been consistently developed under the rador this whole time?
Can you tell me that Rodgers and Hart didn't just throw their trunk songs (trunk song meaning a song written for something else and then cut, or just written with no show in mind) into flimsy stories such as "Babes In Arms" and Babes In Hollywood?"
They certainly couldn't never decide what songs to go in which show.
Regardless of where it began, the Jukebox Musicals are holding strong and fast. Hopfully not forever.
But would it be all that bad?
Something tells me, nah!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Day 25


The first 25.
Twenty-five is often seen as a milestone.
25 years signals an accomplishment.
No longer a child. You begin to embrace adulthood in a new way.
My first 25th Birthday saw the beginning of my tenure at VMT.
My third 25th Birthday began the turn-around in my fight against leukemia.
As I approach my 5th and final 25th Birthday what will I look forward to?
What will begin? What will end?
Will I view myself differently?
Will I discover needs I didn't have in the past?
What will my new challanges be?
What will I have accomplished?
25.
A beginning. An end.
An awesome treasure.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Day 24



Obstacles.
Sometimes a tree falls down in your driveway.
Sometimes your lead actor quits the show.
Sometimes you get the clap.
One of these statements is not true.
Thats for me to know, and you to...guess!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Day 23


Threesome.
Is your glass half empty?
Is your glass half full?
Is his hair half done?
Is the boy angry?
Or is he trying something new?
Anyone's guess.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Day 22


Confrontation.
Reality shows are filled with confrontations.
Pierre and Cindi are in the midst of one right now.
Disagreements. Fights for the sake of fighting.
Yelling just to be heard.
Do some of us thrive on arguments and confrontations?
Do we Need drama in our lives?
Are we unfulfilled beings when not able to annoy, aggitate, exasperate and upset?
What would life be like if we just left the drama on the stage?
Worth a shot I imagine.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Day 21


Pearl is a singer.
Remember being 21?
The Birthday you thought would change your life.
Remember dreaming that everything would be different and life would start to finally make sense. The future would come into sharp focus. Remember taking your first drink (ok, i realize I am in the minority having waited until the actual 21) and not understanding what the big deal was. Remember having strep throat on your birthday and going to bed early because you were in tech week for a show. Remember your 19 year old brother telling you to drink a shot or two of fire-ice to help numb the horrible sore throat. Remember it working! Remember going to bed and wondering if, upon waking tomorrow, the world would be yours and remember knowing you would grasp each and every opportunity you were presented with.
Did you?
Or was that following morning just another morning?
Remember, learn, and start over again. Be 21 again.
And again.
And again.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Day 20


MMMmmm.
Tonight marked the 4th night of on-the-town theatre going, seeing and being seen, for the boy and me. This evening we trecked to Sandusky to the State Theatre to see the National Tour of "Wonderful Town." Completely and utterly enjoyable. And after having just sat through the equity production of ''...Millie'', I was even more impressed with the talent, the direction, the choredography, and the orchestra (seriously Carousel Dinner Theatre could stand to invest in an orchestra - that 1986 casio keyboard sound has been out for ages) of this full non-union production. The lead girl couldn't have been more that 26 but I will stand by the observation that she played Donna Murphy better than Donna Murphy played Donna Murphy when we saw the show in NYC. Fantastic fun.

The lottery. As happens when you drive by the lottery billboards, one tends to divide up the winnings in the imagination and choose how to spend the prize. It can literally take hours of thought and never gets old or dull. Tonight, with the 17 million we won (in my oh-so-active fantasy world) we bought a mansion complete with indoor/outdoor pool and mother-in-law suite, paid all of our debt off, built a theatre on W14th street for Mercury, bought a retreat cabin in Maine, a summer condo in Orlanda and a nifty flat in London (which we will sublet to our friends), gave to the church and some to cancer research and maybe traded in our cars for ones built in the 00s. I suppose we also invested so we wouldn't have to slave away with temp work ever again...at least until we get bored.

Then it struck me. Here are two boys, close to not being able to call ourselves 'boys' much longer, but still with the imaginations and dreams of 18 year olds. And That, above all things, gives me hope for a beautiful future and made my night!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Day 19


Before.
I've never quite understood how I can wake up one morning and have my mind set on an action (usually something rather bold, as in painting and remodeling the living room - yikes) and just go for it.
Strong-willed and focused.
I must be nuts. Or just damn lucky to have someone sharing my life who is just as impulsive - or at least supportive, even if the colors on the walls turned out...eh.
The difference between us, probably making us such a good match, most times, is that totally different things inspire us (or "speak to us" as is the new hip phrase, so I hear) but we support eachother's inspriation and even play along if necessary.
Example: The movie "Running with Scissors," or as I like to think of it "I Could Have Been Doing 20 More Exciting Things," was completely captivating to some while I found it a good 45 minutes too long...got the point - you hate your mom and you want to get even with her for being a bad mom by writing a book - big deal. But it brought us both to the same conclusion.
Do something. Don't get stuck. I will no longer allow myself to sit through movies I hate without at least doing situps or crocheting...whatever feels more manly at the time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Day 18



Thoroughly Modern.

She's loud. She's cheap.
She's rude.
When she is in the room, there is no ignoring her.
Unless she is asleep. Which happens frequently.
Really frequently.
Right now as a matter of fact.
She's not the most popular. She's often the butt of jokes.
She's a loud chewer.
She's the very best of friends and I'm lucky to have her in my life.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Day 17


Lazy.
Or tired. Or just in pain.
Numbness.
Whatever you call it, the day slid by (after gum surgery, which, by the way, was far worse than imagined...still cringing).
Lots of thoughts running through the head. All day.
Financial woes. Worries about the future.
Time to make plans.
Popping more tylenol than is recommended for life. Refusing vicodin.
Exhaustion.
Regretting vicodin decision.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Day 16


Anticipation.
Excitement and/or Dread.
In 7 short hours I will undergo a third (or is it 4th - I have lost track) gum-grafting surgery. Ouch!
I am more nervous now than I remember being last time and I can't decipher why. Maybe due to the fact that I now know the pain level I will have to endure. Maybe in part because I only have this One thing to focus on. The last few times my brain was so overwhlemed in other treatments and procedures that the actual gum surgery only received the smallest ounce of worry and thought. Maybe my fretting is beacuse I have no idea how I am going to pay for this!
But what good does worry or dread or anticipation do for something like this? Tomorrow at 8:30 am I will be wheeled out to my car and sent home (don't panic, my father is driving the car!) and have it all behind me...at least for a few days until the next round! Save anticipation for things that really matter, like opening nights! At least that is what this brain is coming up with . Save the worry, the excitement, the angst, and the drama for the major things...like who will get kicked off of America's Next Top Model Wednesday night!

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Day 15


Easter!
Snow on the ground. A chill in the air. A family member missing. A loved one far away.
Yet, the spirit of Easter was surprisingly strong this year.
Starting off with the annual egg hunt (how did eggs get associated with Easter - question that needs answering) in which, despite a missing Daniel, I still lost, and lost badly, the day was a wonderful mix of my church and my family. I don't normally get the chance to use masses on holidays for intense prayer - mainly due to the shear concentration I need to be able to handle all the music tossed my way - but it doesn't make the mass any less beautiful to me or less important. It did give me the notion that no matter where I am, be it Cleveland or VA BCH or Guam, I want to be involved at the church I am attending.
Any way I can.
Back to the day, family dinner followed mass with most of my father's side making their way over to my parent's house. Way too much food. Aunt Betty, at 92 years old, still as opinionated as ever, had no qualms pointing out that women today, including those present, no longer wear skirts or dresses and that they would look much classier if they did! All in all, a wonderful dinner.
Made my way back to my house and shoveled (literally) a path to my front door...31 inches and counting of snow. Taxes were calling to be finished, but alas, Housewives won out. Alarm is set for early AM and caluclater, pencil and computer are at the ready. Happy Easter to one and all...truly!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Day 14


Church and Theatre.
These two things aren't normally paired together but I was struck tonight during the Easter Vigil Mass at the church in my hometown just how similar both instituitions are for one reason...audience (or in the Church's case, parishoners). Looking around at mass you see a very familiar crowd to most theatres - the elderly. The majority of church and theatre goers are well beyond their 20s, 30s and even 40s. Sad, really...for both. Why don't the young people go to church anymore? Why is it hard to get them to come to the theatre? As they age and settle into their lives will they begin to attend both? Or will both church and theatre attendance continue to dwindle until there is nothing left?
Depressing. So I once again encourage all of my friends to get away from your computers and televisions and swing over to your church or patronize your local theatres. Develop that sense of 'community' I fear we are losing.
On the bright side, tomorrow is Easter and my last Mass for the weekend (my voice is ready for a needed berak) and then a huge family dinner (minus Daniel, whom we will all miss) and some downtime with the folks.
Here comes Peter Cottontail...

Friday, April 6, 2007

Day 13


Rejection.
In our line of work - prostitutes and artists - rejection is commonplace. The 'norm' even. They tell you for every 50 auditions, one job offer will come your way. Still, years in, rejection is hard. Possibly easier to see coming after time but the actual letter, call or email still stings. Does rejection make us stronger? Or harder? Or just simply tell us there are better things waiting in the wings? I will choose to believe the latter.
P.S. pierre, something better IS waiting for you...and those people don't know what they will be missing.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Day 12


Rest.
Is it possible to miss (while only slightly) the exhaustion that accompanies being a cancer patient and the unwavering readiness for others to allow that person to just sleep? Gone are the days when a simple "I'm tired" meant crashing on a bed or the couch and not being bothered for however long it took to recoup. Ah the simple life! If only the intense pain and fear of not waking up didn't accompany that sleepiness and life would have been set. Now the phone, the washer and dryer, the parents, the boyfriend, the tv shows I am addicted to watching - all keep me from that much missed sleep. Will there ever be a time again when sleep without guilt or fear of missing some part of life will be the normal? Not a clue here. Until then, one must keep expensive concealing cream in supply to cover those damn bags under the eyes!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Day 11


Global Warming?
Last night I slept naked with not even a sheet to cover my body. Windows were opened to catch a breeze. I still found myself sweating. I hate to sweat.
This morning I woke up to much cooler temperatures and by 7 pm had snow on the ground.
Snow! In the beginning of April. I don't know how I feel about that. One thing is for sure...tonight I will not sleep naked, nor will I sweat. Ok, I might still sleep naked. Its anyone's guess!

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Day 10


Tunnel Vision.
Driving 8 + hours home today with an oft-busted cellphone gives one a lot of time for reflection.
Or a LOT of ipod listening. Or perhaps a mix of the two.
Each morning while brushing my teeth I read a Saint of the Day book that my brother gave me when leukemia struck. Each day, I say a prayer to that particular Saint that the values they lived and brought on this earth will give me a little guidence or sometimes even just a goal for the day. Nothing heavy. A simple thought to start the day. Today three martyrs grouped together, St. Agape, St. Chionia and St. Irene spoke of the "If Only" way of living and it stuck ALL day. Do I rehash past mistakes? Do I review past choices and try to decide if they were the correct ones? Today I did. And, let me be the first to say its not the ideal way to pass the time. I have always been the first to say 'no regrets' but maybe thats not entirely true. Of course as the three Saints were for just the opposite. Let go. Just let go.
Argh!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Day 9


Home.
Is it anxiety? Is it excitement? Is it pure terror of the long drive that is to come tomorrow?
Why am I so ready to be home?
I am packed and have even begun mentally planning bathroom stops.
Very unlike myself tonight.
And then the questions arise...my home is Cleveland...I love my home...but will I always? Wil Virginia Beach ever seem like home to me? Will I ever make New York City a home again?
Home. There is something magical about the word. Say it outloud and you can't help but have an image in your mind.
What makes a place your home? Is it the town where you were born? Where you moved after college, looking to feel like an adult? Would you defend it in a battle (of words most likley unless we are really heading in the wrong direction with society!).
Long story short, home is where we all want to be. Tomorrow at this time, God willing, I will be at mine.
Last thought, what is it about home that make you ask questions in threes!

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Day 8




Endings...and Beginnings

The show has closed. The final curtain dropped. The props tucked away. The costumes packed up. The actors sent on to their next gig. The end.
Or...
The show has closed. A new friend made. A chance to reconnect with others. A better understanding of an old friend's situation and circumstances. A sense of accomplishment. A sigh of relief.